I'm not sure if Andy Rooney keeps the @Andy_Rooney handle on Twitter. It sounds like him but in a stripped-down almost satirical way. Basically, if it came to light that it was actually a young person who was making fun of him, it wouldn't come as a shock.
Here are some of my favorites that I've read:
"Why do ice cream manufacturers insist on such fancy flavors? Strawberry? Pistachio? What's wrong with chocolate and vanilla?"
I agree. Nothing illustrates the decadence of modern society like strawberry ice cream.
"People are using entirely too much foul language. You're free to say whatever you want, but "turd" just makes you sound uneducated and low"
Those whippersnappers!
"They're amazing, walls. They hold up the roof, but they're also handy for hanging pictures. I like that."
Poetry.
"There are too many brands of popcorn. Orville Redenbacher, Jolly Time, Jiffy Pop, Pop Weaver, Pop Secret, and Newman's Own are just a few."
DEAR GOD INFORMATION OVERLOAD WITH THE POPCORN
"I'm not a "dog person," I'm just a person who prefers dogs to cats. They say the Persians worshipped cats. I don't care for them, either."
Wait, you don't care for Persians...or cats?
"My favorite photograph of Mike Wallace: c:\users\arooney\my_documents\mikesnewtrousers.jpg"
Great. Now all I have to do is break into your house, log onto your computer, and look at the photo. You really know how to harness the power of the Internet.
Well in his defense, Twitter doesn't exactly lend itself to intelligent commentary.
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