In Defense of Dane Cook

I turned on the TV today and a movie called Employee of the Month appeared. I watched it for about 13 seconds, turned the TV off, went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and pondered this question, "Why does everyone hate Dane Cook?"

I didn't come out for 45 minutes.

I think the main reason people hate Dane Cook is that he steals jokes. But this isn't really a reason because every comic in history has stolen jokes. One might say, "Well Dane Cook steals more than others". But that isn't a justification. The guy who steals $1,000 is just as culpable as the guy who steals $1,000,000. Moral relativism doesn't exist in comedy, nor anything else.

The next reason is that he is annoying. But is that really enough to hate someone? I mean, let's face it—a lot of people have a deep-seeded hatred for the guy. I know plenty of annoying people—you do what you should've learned when you were a child—ignore them. Done.

The last possible reason someone could hate Dane Cook is because he is not good at his job—making people laugh. I don't find him funny at all. But I can't hate someone for not being good at their job when their job is to make me laugh. I mean it's comedy, who gives a shit. It's not like he's a legislator, or a judge, or a cop, or a financial analyst. Let's be honest—nothing bad can come from Dane Cook being a shitty comic. You're not going to be wrongfully accused of a crime and you're not going to have your car repo-ed. Sure he makes a crapload of money but if you hate him for that then you're clearly just jealous.