Required Reading

I work at Fridays and as a result I must interact with the scum of society. After 10pm, the IQs of the customers coming in drops a solid 50 points and I'm left to translate what they think they are reading on the menu. I don't even know what reading level a menu is but it can't be higher than a 3rd grader's. And now I'm sad because so many of these people seriously cannot read a fucking menu. Christ.

Here are two examples from tongiht that made me doubt the future of our species:

Scene 1
Customer: "Gimme that Toucan (as in the tropical bird) Chicken Sandwich"

Me: "You mean Tuscan (as in the place in Italy) chicken sandwich?"

Customer: "WHAT?!?!!"

Scene 2
Customer: Gimme that Chedder (as in the cheese) Salmon Pasta."

Me: You mean cedar (as in the wood) salmon pasta?

customer: WHAT?!?!??!

And I have to correct them not so that I look superior to them, but simply to set expectations. They guy who wanted the Toucan Chicken Sandwich might actually expect a fucking jungle bird in between a two buns. As ludicris as that sounds, I just don't want to disappoint people. And if they get it and it's not a toucan they are eating, they will get upset. And then I have to explain to my boss why they didn't want it. "Oh, yeah, he thought it was Toucan and it's not Toucan. i don't think Perdue sells Toucan meat."

What would be even wierder is if the guy actually could taste the difference between Toucan meat and regular chicken meat. Like if I just didn't want to get into a fight with the guy and he's like, "Is this toucan?" I'm like, "Yeah. It's toucan meat alright." And then he bites into it and is like, 'This is very low quality Toucan meat". That would blow my mind. If that happened I would just admit to the guy that it's not toucan meat and that I was lying simply because he knew the difference or had at least tasted high quality toucan meat.

But it is embarrassing. These words are not to difficult to spell. The cheddar one really gets me. I know english is hard sometimes. Like when does a "c" sound like a "k" or an "s"? But come on. "Ch" makes the "ch" sounds. That's it. There is no "h" in cedar. I'm so accepting of that ambiguous "c" sounding rule that if they said "Keeder" I wouldn't correct them. But again, I can't let them think that they are going to get a pasta with cheddar cheese on it because when they don't they will get upset and then I have to explain to my boss that they don't have to pay for thier meal because they can't read.

Also, it should be noted somewhere (I suppose this will do) that if you're working at Fridays and someone orders a Strawberry Lemonade Slush, it should be assumed that they will NOT tip you.