Happy New Year

I suppose I'm a nice guy, whatever that means. Some people have told me that, although others have told me I'm an idiot. Today I went to Panera Bread with Emily and as I was leaving the parking lot to enter the street, I saw a homeless man there. He had a piece of cardboard that said, "Waiting" which I thought was both strange and ironic as I was on my way to my job at T.G.I Friday's.

So anyway, like I said, I suppose I'm a nice guy and I roll down my window. I give the old guy two dollars and say, "Take care of yourself." I thought that would be the end of it but he wanted to talk and he got my attention with the first thing he said. This was our conversation:

"Happy New Year!", said the homeless man.
"I think you're off by a few months, buddy," I say.
"Oh yeah, it's Easter, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Jail can make you go crazy."
(Among other things)
"You were in jail?"
"Yeah, these cops around here, they put me away for no reason!"
"Just for standing out here?"
"Yeah, they put me away because they can't catch the real criminals."
"Right."
"And them real criminals pay them off."
"Really?"
"Yeah, they been doing it for a thousand years."

He then went on a long diatribe about corruption and conspiracies in the judicial system.

The old homeless man then, in that moment, made my day. You see, all the homeless people I've ever met (which is quite a few considering my time at Happy Helpers for the Homeless) I've never met a crazy, conspiracy theorist, stereotypical homeless person. Sure I've met some crazy ones, like the crazy bag lady who dances in front of traffic in Severna Park, but none that could actually justify their craziness. They were homeless because they were crazy, not crazy because they were homeless. This guy, for example, was a product of government corruption and conspiracy. While it's probably all in his head, he thinks it's true and that makes it so exciting. This guy was really fucking crazy.

Most homeless people are just a bunch of sad-sacks who mope around asking for spare change, but not this guy. This guy was always looking over his shoulder. He was ever-watchful of the Man trying to bring him down. This guy had secrets, or at least he thought he had secrets.

Anyway, it was the most entertaining moment of the day and it's all thanks to my reasonable generosity and love for the homeless.