Why It's Hard to Be a Democrat

After watching Barak Obama try to describe his tax plan and alleviate the woes of Joe the Plumber, it dawned on me that being a democrat is a tough egg. 

Joe's problem was Obama's tax plan for businesses with incomes of over $250,000. Joe was going to buy the company he toiled over for 15 years. He wanted to know why he should pay more taxes for working so hard. Obama responded with compassion and insight but Joe wasn't convinced. And why should he? 

First, let's discuss the things that were created by the media to stereotype the modern day Democrat.

Pop Culture View

1. Traitor - Well not exactly like Benedict Arnold but the modern Democrat is viewed by the media and popular culture as a callow wimp because they generally don't want to go to war, especially with Iraq. This is one of the easiest reasons to hate Democrats and love Republicans. America is a nation of victory and the only victory that matters is in war. Sure, we'll get pumped for our son's win on the ball field but we'll have raging hard-ons if we watch some Central Asian wave a white flag from his cave. 
2. Hippie - Stereotypes are fun because they allow us to define someone in the most basic of terms. While I'm convinced that the hippie that everyone is familiar with doesn't actually exist anymore, many consider Democrats as  hippies. And it's not even about caring about the environment anymore (I guess they were right about that) it's really about maintaining the difference. If you don't support the war, then you're a hippie, mainly because we haven't invented a word to describe you and I'm not creative enough to do so. 
3. Elitist - The "Liberal Elitist" identity is one that really confuses me. How can someone who supports welfare be an elitist? It just doesn't make sense to me. But, to the average joe, in the stereotype encyclopedia Democrats are elitists. They are educated, they are rich, and they belong to a class above the plebeian. There aren't any Palin-esque Democrats. And that's the appeal of Sarah Palin and John McCain - they remind us of people we know. Most people know a veteran and most people have a mom and that's what McCain and Palin are - at least that's how the media pegs them. But what the hell is Obama? "Um, he was an attorney. A WHAT?! BOO! Does he even drink beer?"
4. Socialist - In the interview with Joe the Plumber, Obama's socialist persona was cemented by Fox News. His "spreading the wealth" rhetoric was translated to "we'll all be wearing the same shoes soon". The first thing people ask themselves when a democrat is running is, "Okay, how much is this going to cost me." And I understand the question because many people work very hard for what they have. But again, this viewpoint is really encouraged to further the divide, further the stereotype. It's a way to make Democrats different from Republicans. Democrats are Marxists communists while Republicans are hard-working small business owners. How can you argue with that? (I think I should note that this is essentially the modern Democrat's most altruistic trait but no one really sees it that way.)

And these are the things that people just think about when a Democrat goes on the air. Really, these characteristics aren't real. But when you think about the things that define a Democrat, it's hard to ask yourself, "Why would anyone listen to them?"

If a Democrat had some kind of bullshit detector or language simplifier, this is what one would say if running for public office:

• I'm going to raise taxes.
• I'm going to try to stop the war.
• I'm going to make abortions legal. 
• I'm going to try and save the environment.
• I'm going to make the government bigger. 

Intrinsically, why would anyone vote for such a person? Granted this is a wildly over-simplified vision (stereotype) of a Democrat, but it is the essential agenda of one. 

So the point of this post is that Republicans have the easiest rhetoric in the world of politics. You don't need to be a smooth-talking, hyper-intelligent, suave politician if you are a Republican. Everything that Republicans believe is agreeable:

• I'm going to lower taxes.
• I'm going to win the war.
• I'm going to save all the babies.
• I'm going to make gas cheaper. 
• I'm going to make the government smaller. 

Of course save the babies! How can you argue with that? Thomas Jefferson said that a government should never be bigger than the people it governs. Totally. Make gas cheaper? That's great! I drive all the time! How can you debate that? How can you say to "NO!" to any of that? How have we had ANY Democratic presidents? It's so simple. It's so easy to understand. 

But there in lies the problem. Life isn't simple. Maybe this is why stereotypes are bad. Everyone's had a moment where they witness a stereotype fulfilling itself and we say, "Figures," under our breath. But these stereotypes are misleading rather than enlightening. A Democrat is, if broken down into a stereotype, a horrible weakling traitor who wants to let people kill babies. And the Republican stereotype is a person who is the Uber-American Patriot and Savior of the World. There's no truth to it. Maybe this is why there are so many undecided voters for this election. The stereotypes we are feed aren't living up. 

The world isn't a stereotype - it's full of vastly different people and difficult circumstances and random events and tragedies and heartbreaks and hard decisions and ups and downs. Stereotypes don't work because they put a overly-simple thing into an infinitely complex system. It just doesn't work. 

So here's the problem - the media, and the candidates themselves probably, perpetuate these stereotypes. They want people to see them in simplified terms, not complex and organic, like the world they inhabit. 

Maybe they do it because it's easier for us, maybe it happens as a result of the mass media editing and shaping their identity, or maybe they are just lazy. Maybe it's to further the divide. Either way, it's definitely hard to be a Democrat. 

A Word About Sarah Palin and Conservatives

Over the years I've become so disenfranchised by bi-partisan debauchery that I really don't care about either political party. If I had to choose, I guess I would say I'm a democrat but only because they are the least traditional party. They are much more progressive than conservatives. Conservatives are very old fashioned which probably explains where the GOP title comes from. The transient world we live in has no room for traditions in my opinion. 

I wanted to get that out of the way, that our political system disgusts me. Now I'm not accountable for what I say. Just kidding. 

So the other week, I read an article about Sarah Palin and her reputation after her impersonation by Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live. Personally, I missed it but I heard it was funny on Fox News so it must have been gut-bustingly hilarious. I swear, they'll start a jihad on anyone who bashes a conservative even in the slightest, so when they said it was good, Tina Fey must have felt an air of accomplishment. 

Tina Fey really emphasized Palin's pension for identifying with working-class people, aka hockey-moms and Joe Six-Packs, and her annoying little Wisconsin-esque-Fargo-inspiring housewife accent and sayings. 

But what this article said was that Palin's reputation may be in jeopardy after the impression. And there are two possible outcomes of this: 

1. Tina Fey is a comic genius and master impersonator of CIA level skills and should win something good like a dump truck filled with gold bricks or a unicorn or something. 
2. It actually turns out that Sarah Palin's reputation/credibility was always in jeopardy. 

The article cites Gerald Ford as a classic example of pop culture determining political culture. Ford was, during his time, known as an athlete and an intellectual. But because of Chevy Chase's impression on SNL, he is forever known as an uncoordinated fool. 

So Ford and Palin both were made fun of on SNL. The difference was that Ford's reputation was never really harmed because of it. That's probably because he already had some kind of integrity or credibility. I mean he was only really president for two years after Nixon resigned and he won his party's nomination for the next election. And he lost to Jimmy Carter by a small margin. One thing to note about Ford in terms of his reputation and his credibility was his pardoning of Nixon. He had a solid, albeit short-lived, presidency and no amount of mockery can take that away. 

If Palin or her advocates are worried that an SNL skit will ruin the Republican ticket, refer back to the two possible outcomes mentioned earlier. 

If anything, this article really highlights the insecurities of the Republican party which can be added to the parties allegations that Barak Obama is a terrorist. It's kind of pathetic if you think about it. It's just really poor and obvious defensive PR. 

On another completely different note, the article also says that political culture takes it's cues from popular culture. And if that's true, then God help us all. Soon we'll be taking political cues from Laguna Beach whores and Real World douchebags. 

Here's the link:

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/65952/Fey-blamed-for-ruining-Palin-s-reputation

The Hypocrisy of Fanboys

If there's one thing that really pisses me off about the internet, it is the ubiquitous presence of the ultimate scum of the universe - the modern fanboy. 

And while I'll mainly be talking about movie adaptations, I think a lot of this idea I have can spread across other platforms. 

For the uninformed, a fanboy is someone obsessed with some form of media, usually a video game or comic. And I only say obsession because that is the only word in English to describe their behavior. It's much worse than that unfortunately. I'll have to make up a new word. They are obsedeadarded. This is a clever amalgam of obsessed + deadly + retarded. Obsessed because they need whatever gets them wet, deadly because they would literally kill for the thing, and retarded because it's usually over something trivial like a video game or a comic. 

If that is not reason enough to hate fanboys, there is more. There is the Hypocrisy of Fanboys to be had. 

So fanboys are obsedeadarded over comics and/or videogames. To the average person, media is something that is to be consumed in one way or another - video games are to be played, comics read, movies viewed. They are to be enjoyed, with the possibility of having some longer lasting impression. It may even be considered art. Plenty of comics have risen to the level of high art in our post-modern world. The evidence for this is the explosion of comic book and video game movie adaptations. Ten or fifteen years ago, any regular guy who claimed to read comics would be immediately ostracized and possibly stoned. But then X-Men came out, it became cool to be into it. Good. 

Now enter fanboys. Where as a normal person can read a comic or watch a movie or play a game and say, "You know what, maybe this is more than just a game. Maybe it has some kind of significance", a fanboy will say, "This is the end-all-be-all of comics. This is the Alpha and Omega. This is my new God." 

Fanboys put things on pedestals. Batman is no longer just a comic but something to be deified. And any deviation from the source material, the thing that made it so powerful to them, is the anti-christ. It must be burned, purified, or in some way destroyed. 

Just look at the IMDb boards for Frank Miller's The Spirit adaptation. 

So fanboys deify whatever it is they love and consider it high art and they worship everything about it. And here's the hypocrisy: they are just consumers on crack. And art is not something that we aggressively consume. Well it is, but not in the purest sense of it and that's how fanboys see what ever it is they obsess over. Sure you can buy a print copy of the Mona Lisa for $10 but the original, which ostensibly looks the same, is priceless. And that's what fanboys do. They obsess over the Mona Lisa and buy a print copy and hang it on their wall. If you really think about it, it kind of loses it's meaning. 

The thing that they consider art and important is really just something that they buy, consume, and repeat. It's still all about feeding the masses. All those thousands of Will Eisner fans are bashing The Spirit remake for deviating from the source material but those same people will be lining the theaters opening day to see it. 

The main differences between a normal person and a fanboy is the license to hate something before they actually consume it and the speed and quantity of consumption. They can judge a movie from a trailer because they have devoted their lives to the source material. And while they say how much of an abomination it is before and after they see it, they still see it. It's the addiction. 

The fanboy also feels that movie adaptations, because it is crossing into new territory, should be very strict to keeping with the source material. What it really comes down to, in their minds, is consumer respect. They feel that because they have devoted and invested themselves so deeply into the comic or video game, the adaptations should respect them. But they don't and they don't have to. This is what really upsets the fanboy. They average consumer isn't looking for respect though, they are just looking for something to fill the consumer appetite. So they won't get bent out of shape because Denny Colt's suit isn't blue. They don't care. 

And this brings me back to my original point - fanboys are just consumers on crack. They need to be fed. But most of the time they aren't satisfied because of this feeling of disrespect. The art that they saw in the source material is gone because movie studios don't really need to satisfy a consumer's respect, only their appetite. They are in it for the money, not to make people happy.

So in a nutshell, being a fanboy means living an empty existence from never being satisfied by the thing that you have devoted your life to and having to sit through movies that you knew from the beginning you weren't going to like. 

Three Reasons to Love Ferris Beuller's Day Off

After watcing Ferris Beuller's Day Off, I have some thoughts to share on the movie. Here are my three reasons for loving the movie:

3. The Cast

Jeffery Jones as Rooney, in particular, stands out. His subtle eye movements and gestures go along way and his ridiculous yelling (GRACE! For example) is hilarious.

Alan Ruck also has a brilliant performance as troubled teen, Cameron. I think the amazing thing is that he was nearly 30 when he played the role. But he nailed it. My favorite scenes in the movie are the art museum and pool sequence where Ruck really shines.

2. The Music

Two words: Oh Yeah. If heard in any other situation, Yello's "Oh Yeah" would sound stupid and out of place. But it somehow fits in perfectly on the soundtrack. Other tracks that stand out are the art museum piece, the
Ferris - Running - Through - Backyards - To - Get - Home - Before - His - Parents - Get - Home Song, and of course the "Danke Schoen" musical number.

1. The Complete and Total Destruction of the Fourth Wall.

For those unaware, the fourth wall is you, the audience. Whenever Ferris speaks into the camera, he is addressing you or whoever is watching. It makes it personal because he's not just talking to you but sharing the experience with you. Most notably is at the end, when Jean saves Ferris from Rooney. He is so surprised that his sister is helping him out that he just turns and looks at the audience. Suddenly, the audience isn't just someone that he gives information or some stupid life lesson to. We are with him in that moment. By having Ferris look at us, he is letting us into his world. And if you completely invest yourself in movies, like I do, it's a great feeling. Especially if you aren't in high school anymore. It's a reminder that there was a point in your life when the worst thing that could happen to you was being caught skipping school. It's comforting and exciting and nostalgic.

A Word on TV Ads

I think the smartest thing TV advertisers and marketers did was not explain how advertisements work. 

People watch TV and say, "That commercial was so stupid, I'm never buying that!". I know, I'm one of those people. And generally, commercials are stupid. Most of the time they don't even address what it is they are selling or telling you. Sometimes its just a skit or a little funny blurb of frothy nothingness. For example, Emerald Nut commercials. If you've seen any of them, you know what I mean. 

And no one asks why it's like that, they just think it's stupid. But maybe I can enlighten some folks out there scratching their heads about TV commercials.

The main goal of TV ads is to implant images. The vast majority of people think advertising is about raising awareness of something or someone. And to a certain, small degree, it is. But mainly, they try to imprint an image into your mind that you won't forget. Look at it this way, does Coke really need to make commercials to raise awareness about itself? No, everyone knows about Coke. I think I read somewhere that, after the word "OK", Coke is the most understood word in the world. 

So the reason we keep seeing Coke ads on TV is to put an image into our heads. But now you ask, well if Coke is the second most understood word in the world, why would we need an image of it in our heads? We need it in our heads so when we go to the grocery store or pass a vending machine, we see the product and we think of the ad. And chances are, because you saw that ad on TV, you already had Coke on your mind way in the back filed under "Pointless Shit". 

Ads don't make people get up and buy shit. I think they'd rather have it that way but it doesn't work out so well. Ads put an image in your head so the next time your out and you see it, you'll buy it. 

The reason I said all that is so I can tell you this:

The other day, I was watching TV and I saw a series of seemingly unrelated TV ads. In books or movies, any time you see the words "seemingly unrelated", you know some crazy shit is about to go down. 

Anyway, I'm watching TV and I see five commercials in a row. The ads in order were: One for a chain-restaurant, one for a dieting medication, one for ITT Tech trade school, one for 5 Hour Energy, and finally, one for sleep medication. 

As I can figure it, these five ads represent the five virtues or addictions of American culture: Food Addiction, Body-Image Addiction, Work Addiction, Energy Addiction, Sleep Addiction. 

Now if you bought my whole spiel about image implantations, one can only wonder why people struggle to find an answer to their depression and neurosis. And this string of seemingly unrelated ads perfectly crystalizes all that is wrong with TV, advertising, and most of media. I have provided a little thought-sequence of a typical American whose perceptions of the world mirror the sequence of ads that I saw. 

Well, since I'm at this restaurant and they have free refills on soda and fries, I'm just going to gorge myself to the point of asphyxiation. After all, I have the right to consume as much as I want with complete disregard for the processes that came together which eventually brought the endless fries and soda into my greasy food-hole. Oh no, but I can't be fat! But I'm in luck because I can just take this diet pill and I'm be all better! But jeez is this life of dieting and gorging expensive. Oh I know, I'll just work more! And maybe I'll go to school so I can get a better job so I can buy more food and dieting pills! Oh but now I feel sluggish from all the sugar water and dieting and working. Oh here we are, 5-hour energy! Now I can stay awake long enough to work and work and work to finance my ridiculous eating/dieting routine. 

So now my tummy is full, my wallet's fat, my stomach is slim and tone, and I'm perkier than a stereotypical high school cheerleader on meth. But something's wrong. Some natural process was missed. What was it? Something that just naturally happens...oh that's right - sleep! I forgot to sleep. Oops! It's okay, there's medicine for that too! 

People are being pulled into so many directions. There's some more addictions out there that just make people unhappy with their situations - like love addiction i.e. eHarmony, match.com, chemistry.com, etc. This one may be the one addiction that is at the top of the totem pole. It's the one that all the other addictions are leading up to. The Final Solution. 

But thats the magic of TV ads. They plant this little seed in your head and when you leave your house and you go to the market it blooms into a terrifying plant of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and fear. 

Why It Sucks to be a Teacher

I like school a lot but few share my feelings. That's okay, they can feel how ever they want about the subject. But one thing that irritates me is that students generally hate their teachers. And they expect everyone to follow along. If a class demands more than what they are willing to shell out, these students automatically assume the teacher's an asshole or they're out to get them or some other retarded fantasy.

Sometimes, hating a teacher can be a good ice-breaker when you first start a class and don't know anyone. That's okay, so long as the hatred is only used as an ice-breaker and no real feelings of malice exist. But after the first couple weeks the, "Man, Mr. Teacher is so lame! What does he expect? I mean this is only a Gen-Ed," conversations should stop entirely. We should be adults and I can't stress should enough because from what I've seen around campus, I'd swear I was dropped off at a playground.

Maybe people just don't know how to form friendships where the basis isn't mutual hatred. Maybe they are still in "high school mode" where a collective disdain for another group of people is really the only glue that holds them together.

Well I don't disdain teachers. I dain them.

And God help you if you like the class and/or teacher. Those people are even more hated than the teacher! It goes beyond being a teacher's pet, which can be pretty annoying. They feel like you betray them, the other students. You commit high treason when you "take the teacher's side". If you don't take up arms to an eight page paper, you are fighting for the wrong cause. It makes me sick.

These people are here to be educated and they want everything but that. I think people forget why they are in college sometimes. It pisses me off because I genuinely like class and being educated and all those sour fucks ruin it for me because I can't be myself around them in fear of being burned at the proverbial stake.

So it sucks to be a teacher because odds are, your students will hate you and for no good reason other than it being the trendy thing to do.

The Saw/Applebee's Mystique

Whenever I think of the Saw movies, I think of Applebees. It's just the whole "Capitalism at it's best" idea. And just let me put it out there, I have nothing against the whole torture porn movement in cinema. Hell, I'm a horror junkie myself, and I embraced the movement back during the days of Videodrome. But I hate the Saw movies so much for the same reason I hate Applebees.

I'm sure Applebees started out as a nice little neighborhood bar and grill in some small quaint Midwestern town, as all soon-to-be-fucked-up-psychologically things do. And I'm almost positive that there food was pretty good. So good in fact that after a couple years, Grandpa and Grandma Applebee opened another Applebees in the town over. And then there were five Applebees. And then ten. Then a hundred. Then a thousand. Now there are over eighteen-hundred Applebees choking our collective arteries. And if everything goes to plan, there should be three thousand Applebees by the year 2020. Awesome! Wait no, Applebees sucks, nevermind. The reason Applebees sucks, and the reason why all franchise/chain restaurants suck, is because they cut corners on the things that matter.

When a company expanse like that, they have to save money by using sub-par ingredients and storage devices and so on. So how does this relate to Saw? It's the same process.

The first Saw movie was okay, not unlike the first Applebees. It had an interesting premise but the novelty of it wore thin, on me at least, especially from the horrendous acting. But it made a lot of money, so they made more. A lot more. And just like Applebees, the quality diminishes as the franchise grows and reason is because they cut corners on things to save money. It would be more expensive to actually hire a guy write a "plot"and "characters" for the Saw movies. So they just said to hell with that and just thought up really elaborate ways to torture, maim, and kill human beings. Congratu-fucking-lations.

But this is only "Capitalism at it's BEST". Imagine "Capitalism RUN RAMPANT". You'd have Saw resturants and theme parks. You'd have a Saw-Ville, with spurious torture devices placed in every home. Oh the money to be had! The best though, would be a Saw holiday where people would be guilt-tripped into buying torture devices for friends and families, like during Christmas. Everyone would gather around the "Face-Ripper-Off-er" that's lit with little lights and they'd sing made-up songs of flogging and pain and everything would be right with the world. Everything except for the whole sanctioning of torture and death part.